Women Personality and Mental Health

A good assertive communication skill basically means knowing well when to say ‘no’ when we have to. Assertive communication can strengthen your relationships, reducing stress from conflict and providing you with social support when facing difficult times. A polite but assertive ‘no’ to excessive requests from others will enable you to avoid overloading your schedule and promote balance in your life. Assertive communication can also help you handle difficult family, friends and co-workers more easily, reducing drama and stress.

Being assertive is not always easy, especially when we have to refuse requests from people that we love or know well. However, with some of these tips, you can practice to develop your assertive communication skill. Try them slowly but sure, and notice the difference in yourself.

1. When approaching someone about behavior you would like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they have done that is upsetting you, rather than labels or judgments. For example, when your friend, who habitually arrives late for your plans, has shown up twenty minutes late for a lunch date, say “We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now it’s 11:50,” instead of “”You’re so rude! You’re always late.”

2. Use “I Messages”. If you start a sentence off with “You”, it comes off as more of a judgment or attack, and puts people on the defensive. If you start with “I”, the focus is more on how you are feeling and how you are affected by their behavior. Also, it shows more ownership of your reactions, and less blame. For example, instead of saying “You need to stop that!” say “I’d like it if you’d stop that, because I feel upset by it.”

3. Use factual statements, rather than judgements or labels, to point out about behaviors that you would like to see changed; it is good to combine this trick with the second point above. You can use sentences like, “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I feel frustrated.” Or, ““When you tell the kids they can do something that I’ve already forbidden, some of my authority as a parent is taken away, and I feel undermined.”

4. Remember, your body language should reflect confidence (not intimidation). Stand up straight, look people in the eye, and relax. Use a firm, but pleasant, tone. Do not assume you know what the other person’s motives are, especially if you think they’re negative. When in a discussion, listen and ask questions to understand the other person’s point of view as well. See if you can find a compromise or a way for you both get your needs met.