Women Personality and Mental Health

A bad boss or thoughtless friend can sap your energy. Take charge with these mend ‘em or end ‘em strategies.

A few years ago, I landed the job of my dreams. But just days after I started, my boss began making jokes at my expense; soon she was brutally shooting down my ideas and undermining my authority. Every morning, I swore that this would be the day I’d turn things around, but each evening I’d leave exhausted and discouraged.

“This is the classic toxic scenario,” says Lillian Glass, Ph.D., author of Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable. Unhealthy relationships, whether with a boss or a friend, threaten self-esteem, enthusiasm and judgment. “You spend too much of your emotional energy trying to stay afloat rather than using it to carve out the kind of life you want for yourself,” she says.

Getting out seems like the obvious solution, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all answer. You have to weigh the potential benefits of the situation against the amount of your suffering, says Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., author of Emotional Vampires (McGraw-Hill, 2000). Then, you must determine whether you think it’s possible to fix things and, if so, how much effort you want to put into it.

For example, I was making a great salary and learning a lot. Ultimately, though, I decided the environment was too damaging, and I quit after six months.

Fortunately, just recognizing that you’re in a poisonous predicament is the first step to gaining control. Here, experts give their advice for dealing with dysfunctional relationships in four environments: family, work, friendship and romance. Once you know the warning signs, you can use these strategies to make your interactions healthier and happier.

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