Women Personality and Mental Health

Teaching toddlers to share is a universal parental headache. Yet parents try diligently to root out that inborn selfishness. It causes stress in many parents especially when their heartfelt coaxing and convincing seem to fall on deaf ears.

To successfully help a toddler to share, a parent must first understand a few things about their world:

1. Children below the age of 3 may not understand the idea of ownership. Meaning, when they give something away, they regard it as gone forever. They do not understand that if something belongs to them, they can give it away for a little while and then ask for it back later.

2. Toddlers at this age live in a world where there is only “Me” or “Mine.” They do not understand that other people also have wants, needs or feelings. The world revolves around them and only them.

3. Children take their play seriously. It may seem like trivial playing to you but it’s very important to them. Interrupting their play and asking them to share their things at that point in time is very frustrating for them. It also sends out the message that what they are doing is not important. This can be damaging to their self-esteem.

4. Toddlers at 3 years of age usually engage in parallel play. This means they will play alongside other children but not with them.

5. Toddlers need to understand the concept of time before they can learn how to share. Forcing them to share and telling them that it’s only for a little while does not work because they cannot compute what “little while” means. If you know toddlers, you know that waiting is not their strong point.

Before a child can learn to share, they will first need to pass through the developmental stages mentioned above. Around the age of 4, children will slowly show selective sharing. They will also start to learn that not everything belongs to them and that other people have feelings and needs too. Their style of play will change to involve other children and they will learn that sharing helps them win friends.

However, before all these developmental changes take place, you can lay the foundation to helping them learn what is sharing. Here are some suggestions:

1. Play sharing games or engage in activities that involve taking turns:
• Pass the parcel
• Roll or throw a ball back and forth
• Simple board or card games

2. Lay down rules:
• No snatching, grabbing or screaming. Always ask for permission first if you want to use someone else’s things. Use kind words such as please, may I and thank you.
• If you do not wish to share, offer an explanation and a solution instead of a flat out NO e.g. “I’m going to play with that later, you can have this one instead.”
• Do not bring out the toys that you do not wish to share.

3. Use a timer when taking turns to teach the concept of time. If not, just have the other party do the counting e.g. “when Matthew counts to 10, Adam has to pass the toy back.”

4. Model what it means to share:
• Make cookies together and then distribute to friends and neighbors.
• Have sharing moments with your child e.g. share an ice cream together.

5. Make extra effort to point out examples of sharing and praise the action e.g. “Look, Megan is sharing her color pencils with Luke. Isn’t that kind of Megan?

6. Read books about sharing. Teaching through stories is less threatening and is usually remembered better than countless lectures.

It will take time for growing toddlers to learn how to share. You can help them better when you understand the developmental stages they go through. Do not ever make children feel bad for not sharing. Just keep teaching and encouraging your child. When they are mentally ready, you will begin to see the fruits of your labor.